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Thanks to a world filled with freeloading downloaders, merchandising—long the tacky, distasteful necessary evil of the music industry—has become the tacky, distasteful pride of the music industry. Unless, of course, Fall Out Boy has a branded fruitcake available for sale. This is what it smells like when doves cry. In the astronomically improbable event that you wear this and it ends up on in lustful heap the floor, Way is there for you, too: An MCR logo is silk-screened into the lining.

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In these times of national crisis, all Americans must do their part to keep the country strong, whether by flying the flag, sending letters of support to our troops overseas, or quashing dissent on college campuses. With the economy struggling and the holidays at hand, now is the perfect time to go about your daily life and purchase high-priced luxury items and a wide variety of gifts. Below are just some of the items The Onion A. Club 's staff members will purchase for family and friends this holiday season. All patriotic Americans are urged to follow their lead. Greatness is found when American character and American courage overcome American challenges.
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